Tag: Job’s friends

When a Friend is Suffering

Old Testament: Job 5 & 6

Poetry: Psalm 33

New Testament: John 13

The greatest mystery in the book of Job is not why Job suffers, but why a man crippled by suffering is forced to fight a long, drawn-out theological battle with people who are supposed to be his friends. (Mike Mason, The Gospel According to Job)

Job’s friends start out pretty good. They find out about what’s happening in his life and come from far away with the intent ‘to come to show him sympathy and comfort him.’ After emotional expressions ‘they sat with him on the ground seven days and seven nights, and no one spoke a word to him, for they saw that his suffering was very great.’

Sadly, after such a strong start, they end up kind of being the worst, saying things like:

Should not your piety be your confidence and your blameless ways your hope?

Blessed is the one whom God corrects; so do not despise the discipline of the Almighty.

Yikes. The guy just lost everything, his livelihood, every one of his children, and he himself is covered in ‘loathsome sores.’ It seems incredibly insensitive, but honestly, it’s a pretty typical Christian response to suffering. 

We often begin by sitting with people in their suffering. But maybe because it’s uncomfortable to stay there, or maybe because we feel an urge to ‘speak truth’ to them, we muck it all up by sermonizing. Like Job’s friends, we think we’re encouraging by offering reasonable answers to their situation.

And the thing is, what they’re saying (what we often say) isn’t necessarily wrong. Job’s friends are quoted in the New Testament. (5:13 is quoted by Paul in 1 Corinthians 3:19 and 5:17 is quoted in Hebrews 12:5). But while it may not be wrong, it is unkind, insensitive, and perhaps mis-applied.

I cringe when I hear a well-meaning believer simply quote scripture to a hurting brother or sister. Sometimes, often times, the most effective thing we can do as a spiritual friend is not to counsel, teach, direct, or judge. The book of Job would be a lot shorter if Job’s friends understood this.

We haven’t gotten to the part yet where God speaks. And that answers the question that most often causes me to open my big yap and offer up my meager two cents… but if I don’t speak truth to them, who will? Um… God, maybe?

How many people have our good intentions hurt?

C.S. Lewis wrote in A Grief Observed,

“Talk to me about the truth of religion and I’ll listen gladly. Talk to me about the duty of religion and I’ll listen submissively. But don’t come talking to me about the consolations of religion or I shall suspect that you don’t understand.”

-Susan Landry

Reflection Questions

  1. Have you ever been in a time of suffering and someone said or did something you found comforting and helpful? If so, what? (Feel free to leave a comment to share good examples and ideas with us.)
  2. Pray to be a sensitive and compassionate comforter to those in need.
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Gird up now thy loins like a man

Job 37-38 and Psalm 85-86

There is an idea called the “retribution principle” that you can find woven into much of scripture. If you think that being good and righteous means that you will be rewarded, and that being wicked means you will be punished, you think that the retribution principle is true on some level. It seems to make sense as a general rule. What goes around comes around; you reap what you sow.

For most of the book of Job, we’ve been immersed in a debate between Job and his friends about whether this principle holds up. Job’s friends insist that Job must have done something wrong to bring on this suffering. Job insists he’s righteous and that his suffering makes no sense, bringing God’s justice into question. Elihu shows up, defending God’s majesty and justice, and condemning Job for being too self-righteous.

Sometimes Job’s friends seem like they have a grasp on the truth, but other times what they say seems misguided, and in the times left over, we just aren’t sure what to think. They all have worthwhile things to say, but at the core are still flawed humans. When reading anything in Job, we have to use some discernment to decide if what is being said is really true. After all, in the last chapter of the book, Job’s friends are criticized by God for not speaking of him what is right. 

At this point we have read a large chunk of Job, yet we are not sure who to believe or how to make sense of all the things that are being said. Suddenly in chapter 38, God rejoins the conversation from a whirlwind, signaling that this should be the dramatic moment when all our questions are answered.

We get no answers. In fact, God says he is going to ask the questions now.

If Job is man enough to challenge God, then he’d better be man enough to be challenged back. He’d better brace himself like a warrior. Job, were you there when I put down the foundation of the earth and gave the chaotic waters their boundaries? Do you have intimate knowledge of how all of creation works? Have you explored the highest highs and the deepest and darkest chasms? Do you have control over light, rain, snow, lightning, stars, or animals? Where does wisdom come from?

What would you say back? Really, what could you say back?

Does this frustrate you? It frustrates me. We call out to God in our deepest despair and questions but then feel like we just have more questions. It is not any fun to be humbled and put in our place. It’s disheartening to follow God and still go through hard times; we think it isn’t supposed to work that way. It’s natural to ask why we even bother serving God when we can’t seem to find the benefits, and yet the troubles have no trouble finding us. This all hurls us back to the question posed in Job chapter 1: If all the benefits were stripped away, would Job still serve God? Would you?

Through the story, the author of Job is asking us to question the retribution principle. Apparently, being good doesn’t mean you’ll expect only good things in your life. And being bad doesn’t mean getting a lump of coal. Reality is just more complex than that. It rains on the righteous as well as the wicked, and even in a desert land where nobody lives.

I’ll close with prayers of hope from the other part of our reading today:

“Let me hear what God the LORD will speak, for he will speak peace to his people, to his faithful, to those who turn to him in their hearts. Surely his salvation is at hand for those who fear him, that his glory may dwell in our land.” (Psalm 85:8-9)

“But you, O Lord, are a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness.” (Psalm 86:15)

-Jay Laurent

Some of you may know Jay as the really tall bass player in the FUEL worship band. We welcome his deep thoughts on God’s Scriptures this week.

Today’s Bible reading passages can be read or listened to at BibleGateway here – Job 37-38 and Psalm 85-86

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Let It All Out

job 16 4 5

When I first realized I had become depressed, I was in college. I had fallen ill the first week of second semester freshman year.During that time, I isolated myself from people, started gaming when I was awake, and was sleeping if I wasn’t gaming. I hadn’t realized how deep in the rabbit hole I fell until my vocal lessons teacher put the effort into getting ahold of me, and making sure I was okay. I didn’t understand what depression was because we never covered what mental illnesses are or their symptoms.

Once I’d returned home, mom and dad made sure that I started visiting a counselor. That was a life-changing experience for me. By that time, I had never opened up to anyone about how I felt inside. Truth be told I barely knew how I felt. The Christian counselor I went to helped me delve deeper into what was going on within myself. I was fortunate to have good comforters in my life during that time. The friends of Job who came to his side only tried to tear him down. In Job 16: 1-5, Job tells Bildad, Zophar, and Eliphaz that they’ve not helped comfort him in a time of pain. In fact, he goes as far as to tell them if they were in his shoes, he would be there for them, aiding them through their times of trouble. Job 16:6 (NASB): “If I speak, my pain is not lessened, and if I hold back, what has left me?” This verse shows one of the troubles of being depressed because simply just talking doesn’t help one work through depression.

Not letting any of the pain and darkness out creates more problems though.

Helping someone open up about their depression is a delicate task that requires sincerity, personal attention, and rebuilding the foundation of faith. If I hadn’t received help from a Christian counselor, it may have been years before I actually opened up to anyone.

Christian counselors aren’t the only outlet to getting through depression though. I believe it takes the effort of family and friends working with the depressed person as well, without pushing too hard. Depression isn’t the same for every person in the same way that no two people are the same. Also worth noting, if the depressed person isn’t willing to open up, or doesn’t feel ready, give them time. Depression doesn’t just spontaneously happen, it builds up over time, and it can take just as much time, if not more, to heal from it.

My challenge for everyone today is to think about the people close to you, and ask them how their life is really going. Don’t just ask them how they are, or what is up. Dig in deep, and build your relationship with a person in your life you may not express enough appreciation of having in your life.

My song suggestion for today is “Let it All Out” by Relient K. I suggest taking time to read the lyrics, and just absorb the story of breaking to be rebuilt.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9rUtyfB6gVU

-Andrew Cheatwood