Devotion by Jeremy Martin (TN)
I want you to know that my parents are amazing, wonderful, spirit-filled, and God-led people, who have strove their entire lives to live in a manner pleasing to God, and to instill in me that same holiness and humility. That being said, I want you to know that I was a truly terrible person, rebellious and narcissistic, and largely ignoring everything they said until God grabbed me and my attention. Today as a devotion, I am going to give you just a small portion of my personal testimony. This will be the “highly edited” version and summarization, but please know that I was a truly terrible person, despite my awesome parents, and my awesome God. As a spoiler alert, know also that God saved me with a mighty and miraculous hand.
Psalms 3:1-2 (LSB): “O Yahweh, how my adversaries have become many! Many are rising up against me. Many are saying of my soul, “There is no salvation for him in God.””
When I was between the ages of 18-25 I was basically a career criminal, and that is far more a reflection of my own stupidity than my parents efforts. I found that the easy way was…well…easier, so I took it. Then I kept on taking it. I was doing lots of drugs, and drinking too much, and doing things I shouldn’t. Mom and Dad could see that I was drifting away and prayed for me constantly, which is likely why I am alive. I became involved with bad people, doing bad things, for bad reasons. Then as I moved deeper into those circles, I became privvy to information that I shouldn’t have, and as a result I found myself in mortal peril. Those people I’d thought of as my friends began to seek my life. Things got dark and ugly. People that I knew and loved died. It was a hot mess, and in a moment of desperation I called Mom and Dad.
Psalms 3: 3-4 (LSB): “But You, O Yahweh, are a shield about me. My glory, and the One who lifts my head. I was calling to Yahweh with my voice, and He answered me from his holy mountain.”
Miraculously quickly, my parents sent me a plane ticket in another young man’s name, who had just cancelled a trip but not the ticket yet. This was before 9/11 so you could get away with those types of shenanigans. I escaped and moved in with them in Atlanta, where dad was teaching at the Atlanta Bible College. I was expecting to die at any moment, and so I threw myself wholeheartedly into scripture, looking for God to save me, which He did. I was the only kid in history, to my knowledge, to go to the Atlanta Bible College with a mohawk (but nicely done up in a pony tail, usually). I met some great people there, TRUE friends, who loved God and lived in a manner that was pleasing to Him. I immediately stopped doing all of the bad things I’d been doing, and started to study up on scriptures. I was really trying to seek God.
When you’ve lived immersed in a sewer for a long time, though, it’s hard to keep yourself from stinking. When I took up a professional (legitimate) career, I started to get puffed up with myself, and some of the bad habits I’d had started to look appealing to me again. Does this sound familiar, from the stories in Exodus? Even though I’d been miraculously saved, from overwhelming odds and contrary to all worldly sense, I soon began to do some of the things that I had before: namely drinking and smoking various things in my case. The issue was not what I was doing, necessarily, but that in my heart I had determined that I could decide, not God but me. I began to be what I call a CINO, a Christian in Name Only. I was living for myself, seeking advantage for myself, taking care of myself…but I’d still check all the boxes to be considered a “Christian”.
I’d still go to church (check), still pray before meals (check), sing when I was at church (check), and had a bible at the house (check)…but I forgot in my heart about the God who had saved me miraculously and without my deserving to be saved, and started trying to make my own decisions again, instead of listening to God.
Psalms 3:5 (LSB): “Then I lay down and slept: I awoke, for Yahweh sustains me.”
Then, on Feb 14, 2022, I died. I’m not saying this metaphorically, I am saying I died, for a bit over 5 minutes. Specifically, I had a widowmaker heart attack with a 100% blockage (“Wot? I got better!”-Monty Python). In retrospect, this was God tapping me on the shoulder to remind me. Any sane person would have recognized it for what it was, but me? Nope: I got up, kept checking the boxes, and kept on being stupid.
Psalms 3:8 (LSB): “Salvation belongs to Yahweh…“
About a year later, my dad went blind. Now, I knew I wasn’t a good guy…but my dad, my dad was a righteous man, who had tried his entire life to live in a manner pleasing to God, with better succcess in this endeavor than most men. Not perfect, by any means, but he REALLY TRIED. It affected me in a way that my own death did not. I got on my hands and knees and started praying and fasting, asking God to heal dad. About 3 days into a hard fast, I realized through scripture that God would not listen to the prayers of an unrighteous man, so I began to systematically get rid of everything in my life that led to unrighteousness. I burned the things keeping me from God in a fire, and said I was sorry. Then I kept fasting, and praying. I talked to God a lot. A while later, He started talking back.
So now it’s been almost 2 years since I’ve fully submitted myself to God’s will. I’m almost 58 now, but some fools are just slow learners. There have been hills and valleys in my walk, but God has taken me by the hand and leads me. Why? I don’t know, I absolutely don’t deserve it, probably because my parents never stopped praying for me. I have seen miracles. God has spoken to me. Crazy things have happened, too many to detail to you without you thinking I was absolutely insane. So many miracles that I started keeping a journal. I’m not talking about “oh, it was a miracle that I got that job” miracles, I’m talking about “oh look, the Red Sea just parted so we could go through” miracles.
Jeremiah 29:13 says “You will seek me and find me when you search with your whole heart.” Let me just tell you this with absolute sincerity and conviction: God absolutely exists and He still intercedes miraculously for those who seek Him with their whole heart. This is not a knowledge attained from books, this is an experiential knowledge that I am sharing with you, with 100% conviction. My dad is still blind, but God is opening up other things for him (and me) that we wouldn’t have suspected or expected. I live in a state of awe and wonder. I am humbled and amazed that God would seek me out, of all the terrible sheep who have gone astray…but He did.
REFLECTION QUESTIONS:
- Have you ever made a conscious decision to do something different than you knew God wanted you to do? If so, why, and how did that work out?
- Has God ever saved you? Was it miraculously? Are you sure?
- Have you ever tried completely submitting yourself to God, to praying and fasting intently, to speaking to Him almost every moment in awe and worship and love? If you did, did you witness miracles too? If you haven’t tried yet, why not?
PRAYER:
Lord God, Father, I have failed you more times than I can count, but you have been kind and faithful to me despite my foolishness. Please God, forgive me! Help me to be the servant who pleases you. Teach me your ways, and circumcise my heart. Whisper to me the way in which I should go, and lead me by the hand. May the lips of all your creation offer you the praise you deserve, thank you God! In Jesus name, Amen.
Seek Grow Love 