divorce

Jesus Teaches About Marriage, Divorce, “Putting Away”, and Hearts

Mark 10:2-12(NLT) Some Pharisees came and tried to trap him with this question: “Should a man be allowed to divorce his wife?”³ Jesus answered them with a question: “What did Moses say in the law about divorce?”
⁴ “Well, he permitted it,” they replied. “He said a man can give his wife a written notice of divorce and send her away.”
⁵ But Jesus responded, “He wrote this commandment only as a concession to your hard hearts. ⁶ But ‘God made them male and female’ from the beginning of creation. ⁷ ‘This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, ⁸ and the two are united into one.’ Since they are no longer two but one, ⁹ let no one split apart what God has joined together.”
¹⁰ Later, when he was alone with his disciples in the house, they brought up the subject again. ¹¹ He told them, “Whoever divorces his wife and marries someone else commits adultery against her. ¹² And if a woman divorces her husband and marries someone else, she commits adultery.”

This incident is also covered in Matthew chapter 19 also where we read:

Matthew 19:3-9(NLT) Some Pharisees came and tried to trap him with this question: “Should a man be allowed to divorce his wife for just any reason?”
⁴ “Haven’t you read the Scriptures?” Jesus replied. “They record that from the beginning ‘God made them male and female.’” ⁵ And he said, “‘This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.’ ⁶ Since they are no longer two but one, let no one split apart what God has joined together.”
⁷ “Then why did Moses say in the law that a man could give his wife a written notice of divorce and send her away?” they asked.
⁸ Jesus replied, “Moses permitted divorce only as a concession to your hard hearts, but it was not what God had originally intended. ⁹ And I tell you this, whoever divorces his wife and marries someone else commits adultery—unless his wife has been unfaithful.”

The subject of divorce and the “putting away of women” in the NT times was complicated depending on the racial and cultural practices of different groups of people present there. For the Pharisees, who here are trying to trap Jesus in his words, the practice of divorce and remarriage was very common, and was justified by saying that the law of Moses allowed them to “put their wife away”. This was not necessarily giving her a bill of divorcement which would allow her to remarry which is what the law required.

Matthew 10:11(NLT) He told them, “Whoever divorces his wife and marries someone else commits adultery against her. ¹² And if a woman divorces her husband and marries someone else, she commits adultery.”

This “divorce” here is the “putting away”, not the required bill of divorce required by the law. But rather they would just put the wife away and leave her in a very precarious position culturally. It was a very tough place for a woman to live and prosper without a man to be with and protect her. Think of the Samaritan woman at the well and her marriage situation. She had had five husbands, and the man she was with she wasn’t married to. Jesus doesn’t judge her for this, but rather teaches her the gospel of the kingdom to change her life and those in that village.

One of the two categories of people that the NT promotes to us for charitable giving is for widows and for orphans. These persons would be women that had no husband because of death, and children because of death that had no father or parents to care for them. These are the true recipients of Christian charity we are admonished to care for.

When the Pharisees decided that their wife did not please them for any reason, they would put the woman into this precarious cultural and economic position. If she then went with another man, this would make her adulterous and she would be subject to death under the law of Moses. This would also be true of the husband taking another wife or living with a different woman without divorce. This place of uncertainty that the wife would be in would be the cause of her adultery, not remarriage if she was fully divorced. Read from Malachi 2 what God says through the prophet Malachi.

Malachi 2:13-17 Here is another thing you do. You cover the LORD’s altar with tears, weeping and groaning because he pays no attention to your offerings and doesn’t accept them with pleasure. ¹⁴ You cry out, “Why doesn’t the LORD accept my worship?” I’ll tell you why! Because the LORD witnessed the vows you and your wife made when you were young. But you have been unfaithful to her, though she remained your faithful partner, the wife of your marriage vows.
¹⁵ Didn’t the LORD make you one with your wife? In body and spirit you are his. And what does he want? Godly children from your union. So guard your heart; remain loyal to the wife of your youth. ¹⁶ “For I hate divorce!” says the LORD, the God of Israel. “To divorce your wife is to overwhelm her with cruelty,” says the LORD of Heaven’s Armies. “So guard your heart; do not be unfaithful to your wife.”
¹⁷ You have wearied the LORD with your words. “How have we wearied him?” you ask. You have wearied him by saying that all who do evil are good in the LORD’s sight, and he is pleased with them. You have wearied him by asking, “Where is the God of justice?”

This is a judgment of the hardness of the hearts of the Jews there and in Mark. This is put on top of a cultural acceptance of almost anything goes sexually for the Romans and Greeks surrounding them. The Gentiles had a very lax view of fornication, or even incest or homosexuality which was certainly not part of God’s plan for marriage and sexual relationships. The Pharisees desired to be able to have any woman that they wanted sexually, and found ways to make this seem good and godly.

Jesus brings us back to the standard set in Malachi 2. God intends for each to be in a marriage relationship with one man or one woman. This is set by vows of marriage which are made at the time of our marriage where we promise to be faithful. Jesus condemns not the woman for what is going on but rather calls out the Jews for the ways they perverted the law and the intent of God for marriage.

The law did give the woman a right for divorce if the husband would not support her and take care of her (Deuteronomy 24:1,3). It could also be for sexual reasons, either adultery on his part or refusal to be one with her sexually. Cruelty could also be the grounds for a divorce for the woman and God does not require that anyone in an abusive relationship needs to arbitrarily stay there regardless of actions or words by either side.

Luke 16:14-15,18 The Pharisees, who dearly loved their money, heard all this and scoffed at him. ¹⁵ Then he said to them, “You like to appear righteous in public, but God knows your hearts. What this world honors is detestable in the sight of God…..¹⁸ “For example, a man who divorces his wife and marries someone else commits adultery. And anyone who marries a woman divorced from her husband commits adultery.

The word “divorce” here is the word “putting away” and this is the problem. If there were true grounds for divorce for the woman or the man, then there should be a “bill of divorcement” given which would not result in adultery by either if they remarried. The problem is the hardness of hearts which is true until today where easy divorce because of sexual attraction to someone else or simply desire to be single in order to “play the field”, are symptoms of the hardness of hearts which is what God most judges. He cares about the condition of our thinking and our hearts before him.

God knows the evil that is in the hearts of mankind and desires for us to become like Him and His Son in every way in our lives including our marriages.

Colossians 3:5(NLT) So put to death the sinful, earthly things lurking within you. Have nothing to do with sexual immorality, impurity, lust, and evil desires. Don’t be greedy, for a greedy person is an idolater, worshiping the things of this world

Colossians 3:12-14(NLT) Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. ¹³ Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. ¹⁴ Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony.

Jesus holds the Pharisees to this level of commitment, not the deceit of Malachi 2. If we want to walk with God, hearing Him and talking to Him, we need to purge our hearts of evil desire, and make the love of God be the standard for our lives. God knows our weaknesses and lack of godly desire, but forgives us for our sin and gives us fellowship with Him when we seek Him. Forgive others caught up in the cultural normalcy of divorce and remarriage and welcome the sinner to our fellowship if they are interested in change with God’s help and grace.

Our standard is the Word of God and the love that Jesus shows us to be the way we are to interact with others.

Reflection Questions

Does this discussion change your thoughts about marriage and divorce?

What is our moral position for those in the church?

How can we change our hearts to hear the voice of God?

Prayer

Father God help us to give our hearts to You this day. Thank you for the mercy and grace you have given each of us to make us whole. We lift our lives, families and marriages to You asking for guidance and help for us to make Godly decisions about all we do. Father we desire to become like Christ and be able to heal and bless others. In Jesus’ name we pray this day.

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Mark 10

Mark 10 8b

There are many things that man has come up with that God really didn’t create us to do. The Pharisees loved to bring the complicated subjects up to Jesus and see what he said. They were always comparing his teachings to the teachings of Moses. So the Pharisees go to Jesus and start discussing divorce. Jesus says for them to go ahead and tell him what Moses commanded. They say that Moses said it was okay “to write a certificate of divorce and send her away.” Jesus admits that this is true, but reminds them that the Hebrews Moses was dealing with were a rebellious and ungrateful people. This was not the best way. In the beginning God wanted man and woman to “become one flesh” and stay that way. In Mark 10:9 Jesus says “What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.”

Jesus’ disciples wanted to make absolutely sure that they understood Jesus on this subject. So later they bring it up again. In verses 11 and 12 Jesus says, “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her; and if she herself divorces her husband and marries another man, she is committing adultery.” They knew without a doubt that adultery is wrong. It’s one of the ten commandments. “You shall not commit adultery.” Exodus 20:14

We might ask “Why is this so?” Ultimately we have to trust that God knows what is best and wants what’s best for us. We can look at divorce in our society and see some of the ramifications of it and see for ourselves that it’s hard on families. Does God want us to be happy? Without a doubt, YES! Read Psalm 37:3-5 God wants to give us the desires of our hearts. We need to trust Him, be committed to Him and His ways, and do good. Our Father will take care of the rest.

Melissa New

What Counts

1 Corinthians 7

Keeping God’s commands is what counts.

I hope you have enjoyed working through 1 Corinthians this week. I’m going to finish with chapter 7 today.

Up until now Paul has been telling them about all of the changes that they need to make. He has told them to set aside the worldly wisdom, and the associated status that comes with gaining it, for God’s wisdom. He has told them to seek purity because they are members of the Body of Christ, and they cannot do things anymore just because their conscience says it isn’t bad, they need to listen to the Holy Spirit. He has also instructed them to seek unity in the Body of Christ instead of handling their issues in the courts in order to “win” the argument. Several times in these instructions Paul has shifted tone between one of condemnation and rebuke, to one of conciliation and support. Again here in chapter 7 Paul is lightening the blow from all of the changes he has asked of them in these previous chapters.

Paul does not want to overwhelm them with the changes he is asking for, so in chapter 7 he clarifies about the things that he is not asking them to change, but they may have thought he wanted them to change. They do not need to get a divorce if they are married to an unbeliever, but are to do everything in their power to maintain a healthy relationship. If they are a slave then they do not need to attain freedom, although if they can that is nice, but it is not required. Contrary to what some of the Jews in the early Church were saying they do not need to be circumcised. Paul understands that these life changes would be a roadblock to some new believers and that they are not what God really wants, he says “Keeping God’s commands is what counts.” God wants them to change their hearts. And maybe some of the life changes would be wise, but those things can come later as you grow in God’s wisdom. The most important thing to work on is obeying God’s commands and following the leading of the Holy Spirit.

Thanks again for reading along. I hope some of this has helped you.

Until next time,

Chris Mattison

He’s Serious

Matthew 18-20

matt 18

Wednesday, May 3

I think most people think of Jesus as a mild-mannered, humble, loving person. They believe he is full of mercy and mostly thinks kind thoughts about people. I think all of these things are true about Jesus, but there is another side to Jesus that I think many overlook. He can get really ticked off, especially when it comes to sin. He hates sin! In Matthew 18 alone he has this to say:

If anyone causes a child who believes in him to stumble, it would be better for them to have a heavy millstone hung around their neck and be drowned in the sea.
If your hand or foot causes you to stumble, it is better to cut it off than to be cast into the eternal fire.
If your eye causes you to stumble, it is better to pluck it out.
If a brother sins, go and reprove him. If he doesn’t listen take one or two more with you to talk to him. If he still doesn’t listen, tell the whole church.
He told a parable about a man who would not forgive a debt so the master was so angry that he handed him over to torturers until he would pay the debt. He then said his Father will do the same to you if you don’t forgive your brother.

Millstones around necks to drown people, cutting off hands and feet, plucking out eyes, telling the whole church that someone refuses to stop sinning, and handing people over to torturers if they don’t forgive tells me one thing. He’s serious! He’s not messing around. Sin really makes him upset. So my advice to you is: Don’t sin.

I chose to write devotions for the book of Matthew because I knew it would be easy to find something to write about. Matthew is loaded with nuggets to help you in life, but that has become my challenge to narrow down what to write about. I can’t pass up this little nugget in Matthew 19:9. It is about a subject that there is much disagreement about, but I believe this verse should not be ignored. Jesus said, “whoever divorces his wife, except for immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.” We can debate what is meant by immorality or if this applies to someone who doesn’t want a divorce, but it seems pretty clear to me that you shouldn’t divorce your spouse and get remarried, unless your spouse has committed immorality (likely sexual immorality). I know some will say you can’t base the whole argument on a single verse and there is more to the story, but I would warn you that you better make sure this verse fits with your view on divorce and remarriage.

Another little nugget I want to mention has to do with children in the kingdom. I have struggled to understand if children who are not baptized will be in the kingdom. In fact, what happens to children who died at a young age, including those who were aborted? What about the children who are young when Jesus returns? Do they have a chance? How will their salvation be decided? I can’t say I have the answers to these questions, but Matthew 19:14 gives me some hope for their eternal wellbeing. Jesus said, “Let the children alone, and do not hinder them from coming to me; for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.” It sounds to me like there will be some children making it into the kingdom.

I won’t spend a lot of time on my last nugget (I’m pretty sure I already lost Mackenzie), but it is such a key concept that it needs to be mentioned. The last will be first, and the first will be last. Similarly, Jesus did not come to be served, but to serve. I am not going to spend a lot of time explaining this to you because it is so simple to understand. Ditch the selfishness. Start living for God and others. Be honest with yourself and ask yourself this question, “Who am I living for?”

-Rick McClain

(Photo Credit: http://indulgy.com/post/znFZhGDqr2/matthew)

Tag: divorce