Unmet expectations are a leading cause of relational conflicts.
Sometimes the expectations were simply not communicated, so the offending person had no idea what was expected. Other times the expectation was communicated but not met, such as a broken promise. Sometimes it is no fault of anyone, but life and happenstance got in the way of the anticipated outcome.
In the case of Jesus’ resurrection, multiple prophecies and even Jesus himself foretold what would happen, but still the disciples had their expectations shattered: “We had hoped that he would be the one to liberate Israel!” (Luke 24:21).
They were disappointed in Jesus because their expectations did not match his reality. The disciples, among others, had believed he was the Messiah, but then they were confused when he didn’t fix their political problem by conquering the Romans and establishing an earthly kingdom – even though he had never promised to do those things. He had a much larger spiritual plan to save all of humanity by conquering the sin within their hearts. Perhaps they didn’t understand God’s big-picture promise of an eternal Kingdom.
Today we look back with disbelief on their disbelief. DUH! Of course he’s the Messiah! Why couldn’t they just listen to him and recognize him and his plan? But how many of us today fail to recognize Jesus and his mission because it looks different than we expect?
I think sometimes we expect a clean-cut Jesus, tidy Christians, an easy life. But none of that is promised; in fact, following Jesus guarantees quite the opposite (see John 16:33). How often do we fail to recognize the gifts of God because they don’t come packaged the way we expect? Can we see the blessing of prayers that were not answered the way we asked? Do we see every person – annoying, incarcerated, stinky, unborn, elderly, troubled, or just plain “different” – as God’s precious children, and view every interaction with them as a mission for the Kingdom?
It’s so easy to be hostile toward fellow Christians over all kinds of unmet expectations – differing doctrines or political views, whether or not Christians should be involved in this activity or celebrate that holiday, etc. We definitely should encourage each other to keep seeking Jesus in these and all areas of our lives, but if we just put half that energy we use fighting one another into uniting to spread the love of Jesus to a hurting world, united we could have a tremendous Kingdom impact. God’s ways are not our ways (Isaiah 55:8-9), so we should always expect the unexpected.
Reflections:
Listen to this song. How have some trials turned out to be unexpected blessings?
What are some things that you are waiting for with expectant hope, and how can you share that hope with others around you?
I was looking through the Proverbs in today’s reading, trying to decide what to focus on. There are just so many good ones! Proverbs is one of my favorite books, and as I meditate on different verses that hold meaning to me, I like to add artwork to them. When I look through my Bible, I’ve noticed that the ones I have marked up the most seem to have a common theme: they all have to do with how we treat others.
I wish that was more of a focus in the world. The internet is full of comment sections heaped with insults and negativity. I’m forever grateful that my kids are homeschooled with a smaller group of Christians because my heart breaks at the stories of bullying. Videos abound of people being cruel to others in stores, on sidewalks, in restaurants, even at home with their families. Even in our churches, people can be unkind.
The book of wisdom has a lot to say on how we treat those around us. Being kind, honest, and dependable is not only godly, but wise and leads to many benefits.
Verse 11:10 tells us how others feel about those who are righteous and those who are wicked. Proverbs 11:13 warns against gossip, 17 teaches us that kindness to others benefits us, 22 talks about how we should be modest around others, and verses 24-26 give us the benefits of being generous. Chapter 12 speaks on how our own poor words to others can destroy us in verse 6. Verse 10 is actually about how we treat animals. Verse 16 talks about overlooking insults and not becoming immediately annoyed with others, and 25 tells us one of the benefits of using kind words.
But I think my favorite verse about how we should interact with others is 10:12. “Hatred stirs up conflict, but love covers over all wrongs.” There are many types of people in this world, and we are bound to clash. I only have three children in my house, and they definitely don’t always get along. They don’t hate one another at all, but they sure do have some conflict. However, they also love each other. So, unless they are having a particularly bad, rotten kind of day, they aren’t purposely going out of their way to create issues.
I don’t think many of us reading this are likely to have a lot of hatred in our hearts. I’d like to think that most people don’t. So I feel like the most important part of this verse is actually the second half. I also think it’s the most difficult. Love covers over all wrongs. Have you ever tried to love someone who has really wronged you? It’s not easy. But how much better would the world be if we covered up the wrongs done to us with love and forgiveness?
Society would say that this type of reaction would make you a doormat or a pushover. This is a lie. Nothing takes more strength than loving those who harm you. That kind of strength comes from God. He allowed his only son to die for a lot of people who held no love for him or others. His love is that deep. Christ was willing to die for those who hated him. His love was that deep.
As you read through the Proverbs, seeking out wisdom, I hope you see the wisdom in this: actively loving those who wrong you will make your life, and the world itself, better. My prayer for you is that you will practice treating others with patience and kindness, and that those you interact with will do the same. I pray that you see the wisdom in covering wrong with love.
-Jenn Haynes
Reflection Questions:
What verses speak to you today in these passages? Where is God trying to place wisdom into your life so that your path is easier?
Think about some of your interactions with others lately. What were the best ones? How can you go and bless others the way that you were blessed? What were the worst ones? Was your reaction one of love? How can you forgive the offences and react with love?
Have you ever been in a conflict where you feel extremely wronged in a situation? Everyone is like yes and amen. The story of our lives. Haha. Now secretly, to a really close friend you may be able to admit that you also did some wrong stuff, too; but there ain’t no way that anyone else is finding out about that. In fact, to all your friends you portray yourself as something resembling Jesus in the situation. I hope that you aren’t so disillusioned that you actually believe this has never happened to you. We really enjoy this social feedback loop.
There are other situations that come up in life where you have a single incident and then everything spirals out of control and that one incident ends up messing up everything in that relationship. I have totally had one of those.
It seems that there is nothing new under the sun because that is exactly what has happened with Absalom and David. The worst and most ridiculous thing about this story is that the catalyst to this relational tension didn’t even involve them. As you’ve read, this caused years of tension and problems and separation between father and son.
I am not going to speculate on whether David was right in not sentencing Amnon to death after rapping Tamar or whether Absalom should have killed his brother. There comes a certain point at which what has happened in life has happened. There is nothing you can do to change it and now you just need to live your life with the future in mind. In most of these cases keeping the tension and the bad blood in the relationship isn’t profitable to our own spiritual health and doesn’t promote godliness.
The section of today’s reading that I would like to discuss is 2 Samuel 13.37-39 and 2 Samuel 14.21-24, 28. After Absalom killed Amnon, in worry and anxiety he fled to Geshur. It says that David mourned for his son in 2 Samuel 13.37. I am not sure which son he was mourning for but I believe that given the context of the paragraph and the verses around it the verse is telling us that David mourned for Absalom. This is also supported by v.39 where David says he longed to go out to Absalom. So why didn’t he?
David didn’t go out to seek his son Absalom, even though, he wanted to. He left him out in Geshur for 3 years. In fact, it wasn’t even David’s prompting that brought him back. Joab had to step in as mediator and be the counselor in this situation for Absalom to return. I think the responsibility falls on David to take the initiative to mend the relationship with his son instead of just leaving the situation in the wind. David essentially stuck his head in the sand and ignored the problem. Ultimately, this just caused problems between David and Absalom later on.
Finally, after Joab’s prompting David brings Absalom back to Jerusalem but tells Joab that Absalom can’t enter his presence. Absalom spends 2 years in Jerusalem before any action is taken in this relationship and the initiative once again wasn’t taken by David. It took Absalom saying it would have been better if I hadn’t left Geshur than to live like this and I would rather just have David do to me what seems right to him. Absalom hit the point where he would rather die if he had any guilt in him than live with this relational separation.
Surveying this whole situation, we see problems on both sides but I think the judgement ultimately lies with David. He took none of the initiative to repair this relationship. There is a real danger to leaving things unsaid that should have been said. I believe David’s longing to see his son at Geshur should have moved him to take action and confront the problems in relationship instead of just waiting. David longed for his son but out of pride or anger or stubbornness didn’t take the initiative to reconcile with Absalom.
When you consider the intensity of distress Absalom must have felt at the tension and loss of relationship that he would be willing to die if he had any guilt it is obvious that this weighed heavily on him. The two men’s reconciliation is sweet but was so long overdue that I think irreversible damage was done to the relationship given what happens in Chapter 15.
So, what can we draw from this? Firstly, to not let our conflicts go on forever. Secondly, when it is on your heart to apologize or you are longing for someone who you are in conflict with, it may be God working on your heart to repair the relationship. Thirdly, get a mediator or a counselor involved if needed. Don’t wait until someone else feels like something needs to be done. Fourthly, you are responsible for taking the initiative to reconcile or apologize for what you have done. Fifthly, don’t be afraid to let someone have the ability to go second. In this final scene where Absalom goes to his father, his father embraced him and kissed him. I have a feeling that David had longed for this moment. I can remember a moment in my relationship with my wife where we were in conflict and I had my defenses up to keep myself from over apologizing or taking too much of the blame. I remember so vividly her apologizing first and immediately all the weight was lifted, my defenses dropped, and I was no longer looking out for myself but I was looking for the good of the relationship. It gave me the freedom to really say the things I wanted to say when, at first, I may have even been hostile.
Finally, our relationships will only be as good as our communication in them. Remember it is wise to address conflicts as soon as possible. Do not leave things unsaid or problems unaddressed. They don’t just go away.
Daniel Wall
(originally posted May 14, 2020 for SeekGrowLove)
Reflection Questions
How do you typically deal with conflict with someone close to you? What are the advantages and disadvantages to this approach? What would be better?
What is the best response to our own sin? What is the best response to someone else’s sin?
What was Joab’s role? How did he do it? Do you think God was pleased with Joab?
Is there a situation where you might be able to help work towards reconciliation? (first in your own life, and then perhaps in someone else’s)
The second chapter of Philippians is a lesson in unity and behavior.
Conflict happens. Any time there are people gathered, there will be a difference in thinking. God gave us beautiful brains and the ability to reason and rationalize in different ways. He blessed us with the ability to form opinions. And those opinions are bound to differ.
Too often, though, we give our own opinions too much power. We allow them to shoulder their way into our relationships with great force and little apology and we let them overshadow the important things like love, compassion, tenderness, and humility.
Humility. It’s such an underrated quality in society. But which is more important: having your way, or being more Christ-like? Sounds like an easy answer, but it’s SO DIFFICULT to practice.
Have you ever allowed your opinions too much power? Have they ever kept you from displaying the humility of Christ? Is there a current relationship that could be improved if you showed more humility in the name of Jesus?
Verses 1-4 lay out such a heartfelt plea from Paul to the believers in Philippi. He begs them to be united.
He tells them, and now us, that if we have any blessings from being united with Christ, from his grace and his salvation, then we must be united with each other as believers. Value others above ourselves. We must lay our opinions to the side and focus on our job as Christians: to show others Christ and further his message.
In verses 5-11 he lays out the mindset of Jesus Christ – the one who had the ability to ask anything of God and have it granted to him, but instead chose to make himself a servant to others. Because Jesus loved that hard.
I lay aside my own opinions and preferences for my family all the time. It’s easy because I love them more than I love myself. I frequently do the same for my friends. But what about the church member or coworker or acquaintance or family member that I find “difficult”? Am I so willing to lay aside my opinions or preferences on how things “should be done” for them? Are you?
And yet that is what Christ asks of us. As a church body we are called to unite. And so many churches and Christians struggle with this. I struggle. I struggle so hard. When I should be loving hard. Like Jesus.
Do you get distracted by doing things your way? Does your method really matter in the grand scheme of spreading the gospel message? What relationships could be improved if you showed more humility? How could your faith and relationships be better if you placed Furthering the Kingdom over Getting Your Way?
Verses 12-30 sting a little bit for me. “Do everything without grumbling or arguing.” I like to call it “venting” but it’s really complaining. And I’m told not to. We are called to be united as Christ followers so that when we are out in this wicked world we can “shine among them like stars in the sky.”
The world is full of darkness and we are called to be stars. Paul asks us to show others love and humility, like Timothy and Epaphroditus. He asks that rather than look after our own interests, we look after the interests of Jesus Christ.
That’s so powerful: look after the interests of Jesus Christ.
My prayer for you today is that you are able to examine your relationships with others in full humility and see how you can place others before yourselves. I pray that we, as believers, can interact with one another in a way that will show the world Jesus Christ. I pray that we can all stop letting our differences get in the way of our purpose, and that we would instead focus on furthering the gospel message in unity. Blessings and love from your sister in Christ!
After the attacks on September 11, 2001, President George W. Bush spoke to the emergency workers in Ground Zero through a megaphone, finding a response that resonated with the entire country and even more, the world, “I can hear you. The rest of the world hears you. And the people who knocked down these buildings will hear all of it soon.” A historical 92% of the country approved of the job he was doing, bringing together a country that was fraying at the seams in the previous election cycle. It is hard to imagine something similar happening today; no matter who is the president-elect in November, half of the country will be instantly dissatisfied with the results. These are typical terms we accept in our government, but also this “majority rules” culture has historically found its way into boardrooms and even churches. Let me quickly lower the tension by stating that today’s devotion is not about politics or presidents. It does not upend or chastise any church form of government. Its sole purpose is to examine the expectation of unity laid out for the church body, as it might be equally unimaginable.
This spirit of unity was on the mind of Jesus before being arrested in the garden of Gethsemane. He prays for his disciples and all believers when he leaves us the following words, “Holy Father, protect them by the power of your name, the name you gave me, so that they may be one as we are one. (John 17:11b)” Jesus knew his departure to the cross would scatter His apostles, create infighting, and feed doubt. Fortunately, with the exception of Judas, each of them found their way back to a unified front. Having seen Jesus Christ raised to life, they each waited for the Holy Spirit at Pentecost. They each dedicated their lives to sharing the Good News of the Kingdom of God. They each shared in martyrdom or exile for the sake of Christ.
In the same manner, I have seen churches unite during revival, when facing tragedy, or during persecution from the outside. It is easy for the dross to fall away when the metal is hot, but what about when the metal starts to cool? What does unity look like in maintenance mode? Within the day-to-day routine of uniting relationships, mulling through ministries, and discerning what is best for a body of believers? In Ephesians 4, Paul describes this as “walk[ing] in a manner worthy of the calling, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.”
While there could be a devotion on each of the elements of this verse, let’s quickly unpack the key points given to Ephesus. First, walking implies that it is not a quick process, but instead requires some dedication to go the distance (Eph 2:10). Next, humility is the acknowledgement that self-reflection should be the first step in the process, making adjustments and amendments when necessary (Matt 7:3-5; Phil 2:3), and gentleness is the grace that is extended to my brother and sisters during this same process, as imperfect people try to discern the will of God (Col 4:6). Additionally, we are required to commit to patience and love, easily spoken but in reality, conflict makes us more unbearable to one another (Col 3:12-14; Matt 18:15-20). In the body of believers, this is similar to taking the last rep of weight training, it burns the most, but it is the one that produces the result. Finally, eagerness to maintain unity means we stay focused on what unites us (Rom 14:19), defending against the six things the Lord hates (Prov. 6:16-19), and keep our mission far away from doctrinal nuances or extra-biblical preferences.
Unity takes far more work than building a majority. It isn’t a compromise or consensus because there are no losers. We grow as one together. We move towards one another as we move towards our Heavenly Father. Today, let us be extra mindful in our prayer time to dwell on the topic of unity and ask God to reveal our vision and repair divisions that may exist. May we live out the prayer of Jesus and the petitions of Paul to become one like our God and His Son, Jesus Christ.
-Aaron Winner
Reflection Questions
Where and when have you experienced or seen the beauty of a united church body?
Dedication, humility, gentleness/grace, patience, love, focused on what unites. How can you exhibit these qualities today? How can you use them to increase the unity of your church? What can happen when just one is missing?
Thou shalt not murder. This is one of the simplest commandments to keep. But the Jews of old and the Western world today lay out conditions of killing another human being that are acceptable, or deserve a lesser degree of punishment. In this standard, the most murderiest of murders is “murder with malice”. This means that the crime was premeditated and the intent to kill was established well before the act was carried out – murder happened in the heart first. (Matt 5:21-22) Malice, this intention and desire for evil, has no place in the Christian’s heart.
“Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” – Ephesians 4:31-32
Therefore, It is seemingly pretty simple advice when Paul states Christians should get rid of every form of malice. Christians sin, yes, but isn’t it always accidental or sometimes in the spirit of the moment? Not quite. The malicious premeditation of a Christian is more elaborate and filled with justifications for their crime. Christians become apologetics for the immoral actions of a political candidate because their candidate does their bidding. Christians cheat on their taxes with the justification that the government is spending on abortion. Christians gossip under the guise of having more people in prayer over the concern. Christians withhold the Gospel message from someone because we don’t want to save them (eternal murder with malice). These premeditated actions of Christians remind me of the unreliable narrator in The Tell-Tale Heart, making elaborate justification for his act in madness. They are equally crazy.
“Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor, for we are all members of one body. “In your anger do not sin. Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.” – Ephesians 4:25-27
If we can feel the malice forming in our minds, it is time to address the issue. Paul states that we should be humble, gentle, patient, and loving, especially with our brothers and sisters in Christ. When we have an issue, ghosting brothers and sisters in Christ is unacceptable and leads to malicious talk and actions. We must find them, and speak truth in love and hope for a unifying and peaceful resolution. Even further, when someone has an issue with us, we must abide by the same rules, seeking resolution and unity. The only defense we are ever to play is accounting for the hope we have and the confidence within us about our faith. (1 Pet 3:15)
Be careful, O Christian. Don’t let the sun go down with anger in your heart. It will turn into bitterness. It will turn into rage. It will turn into murder by the standards of Jesus Christ. Let’s conclude with this ending thought by Paul: “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”
-Aaron Winner
Reflection Questions
When was the last time you let the sun go down with anger in your heart? How could you have changed how you dealt with the problem?
What is the danger with anger?
Truthfully consider, is there an area where you lean toward malice? How would you go about getting rid of it? What would you replace it with? How?
Being a Christian isn’t about being able to apply clear rules to every situation. But sometimes believers wish for more rules to go by, and sometimes they even make the mistake of trying to apply their own rules to others.
The intense dispute about circumcision reported in Acts 15:1-2 sounds like it could have taken place in the Gospels, between Jesus and some of his opponents (for example about clean and unclean food). But this argument didn’t end with a parable and an attack on false teaching. Rather the church in Antioch sent representatives to Jerusalem to discuss the issue with people who would be influential on the group from Judea that began the conflict, and so able to convince them to end it.
The idea that circumcision is necessary for Christians doesn’t carry much weight with us. But circumcision was the symbol of God’s covenant with Abram, setting him apart (Genesis 17:10‑14). To join the Jewish people men underwent circumcision. There were also examples of circumcision being put off for a time, as when the Hebrew nation went through the wilderness (Joshua 5:2‑9). So an ex‑Pharisee might have argued that a believer’s expression of faith in Jesus didn’t mean all the requirements for salvation were met, until circumcision was complete (they could even point out that Peter called for Cornelius to be baptized after he showed signs of the Spirit, he didn’t say that baptism ought to be skipped; Acts 10:47).
During the meeting at Jerusalem the discussion was about the fact that circumcision committed people to obey the law of Moses. Paul and Barnabas had already been preaching that Jesus “freed from all things which you could not be freed from through the law of Moses” (Acts 13:39). And here was being presented the Law as an add-on which believers would be unable to do, and only be troubled by attempting to do (15:5, 10, 19).
James, the half-brother of Jesus, suggested an alternative which still had four issues to avoid: things contaminated by idols, fornication, what is strangled and blood. Why these? It has been suggested that these were thought to be basic issues that would allow for Jewish believers and Gentile believers to interact and eat together. The first involved the source of food, as a lot of meat sold in the markets was provided from temples, being the extra cuts from their sacrifices. The source would not be obvious once a meal was being served but would have made a dish unacceptable for some while being fine for others. The last two items are basically the same issue – strangling an animal meant leaving its blood in it when butchering it. Again this would not be visible but would be objectionable to some diners. The remaining issue of fornication involved willingness to be involved with a variety of sexual activities, some linked to religious purposes, that were commonly accepted outside Jewish society. So James was saying in this case that the new Christians probably needed a special reminder to separate themselves from these things because of what they would have been used to.
When these four issues were put into a letter it was framed that “it seemed good to the Holy Spirit and to us to lay upon you no greater burden than these . . . . if you keep yourselves free from such things, you will do well.” (v. 28-29). The standards were not being stated in the strongest of terms. And those who started the problem are described as not having received instruction on the issue, but the point is also made that the group in Jerusalem has only now become “of one mind” about it themselves. No big accusations, no rejections. These people are still “some of our number”, and presumably they were spoken with by Judas and Silas (if they were still in the area) and guided because they didn’t understand yet. It had taken a vision to prepare Peter for his meeting with the uncircumcised Cornelius, and it took the filling of the Spirit to show that Cornelius was ready for baptism without circumcision (Acts 10:47). And we aren’t that clear how widely Peter had been going around reporting on his experience since then trying to spread awareness of his new insight so that others would be up-to-date on the standards regarding Gentiles. Change can be slow.
The issue of food sacrificed to idols comes up again in Paul’s writings, more than once. 1 Corinthians 8, for example, says that a person’s conscience should determine how they behave on this issue. This does not mean it is unimportant. Revelation 2:20, in one of the seven letters to the seven churches, reports the condemnation of a false prophet for leading astray some of Jesus’ disciples. One of the offenses the prophet committed was causing them to eat food sacrificed to idols (presumably in violation of their consciences).
The chapter has another sad note, because some time after having returned to Antioch Paul and Barnabas found they could no longer work together due to disagreeing over whether to trust John Mark anymore. He had left them once and Paul didn’t want to let him work with them again (Acts 13:13). Maybe Paul considered that Mark had “put his hand to the plow and looked back,” and was not fit for the kingdom (Luke 9:62). The thing is, I’m not sure how many people start off “fit for the kingdom.” Eventually Paul and Mark worked together again, and Paul valued him greatly (2 Timothy 4:11).
Lord, please let your peace rule over our hearts even in our disagreements. Please help us not to quarrel with each other, whatever the provocation. Let us show that we care for each other, and be willing to give up our own interests for each other rather than fight. Let us care even if we are angered to commit to become calm and truly give our attention each to the other, and to care for and honor each other. Let us not lie to one another, and let us believe each other. Let people truly recognize that we belong to you because of how we love. In the name of your son Jesus I ask this, Amen.
-Daniel Smead
Questions:
We have simple goals as Christians, like to love and to bring peace. (I didn’t say “easy goals.”) How often do you find yourself converting your goals into following rules? How can you fight against that impulse?
Do you think that the discussions in Acts 15 ended the disputes about circumcision in the church?
The conflict between Paul and Barnabas divided their efforts and had them cover different areas. Do you think that their conflict was beneficial? Or do you think if they had gotten along better God would also have done equally great things through them?
Like most human beings I have encountered, I enjoy being right, and I like others to know when I am right. Oftentimes, I would be willing to go the distance to ensure that others are aware of the fact that I am right. This includes both people inside and outside of church. If I shared a belief in the risen Christ with someone, that would not stop me from getting into a long argument… erm… I mean debate about who the greatest athlete of all time is. Unfortunately, I am quite sure that I’m not the only one who has been there before.
Evidently, this was an issue with the church in Corinth as well, as they even took it to another level. Christian brothers and sisters were hiring third parties to determine who was in the wrong and who wasn’t, as they were filing lawsuits against each other. What sort of image were they giving of the church to outsiders? This was humiliating for the church to have to hire a third party to settle a dispute between two people who were called to love one another. Paul brings this issue to light and shames them for doing such a thing.
Although many of us have probably never filed an official lawsuit with our fellow brothers and sisters in Christ, how often do we quarrel with our brothers and sisters in Christ? What sort of image are we giving of the church to outsiders when we quarrel with each other? Often, when it comes to disagreements between two people, it is a matter of preference: Who’s the greatest athlete? What color carpet is the best? How loud should the music be? Don’t let simple preferences like these cause a division among yourselves – there is no need for that. On the other hand, we are called to judge our Christian brothers and sisters when it comes to an objective right or wrong, as Paul states in chapter 5 of 1 Corinthians. However, more often than not, I have seen Christians quarreling over preferences rather than an objective right or wrong. Don’t let that be you.
Therefore, I encourage you to not let a division of opinions get in the way of your relationship with your fellow brothers and sisters in Christ. Don’t let these small differences of opinion snowball into quarreling amongst each other. When we digress into these small differences of opinions, we lose sight of the big picture. What is the big picture, you may ask? Paul highlights this in verse 11, “And such were some of you. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God,” (1 Corinthians 6:11 ESV). We were all sinners, but now we are a new creation. We have been washed and forgiven of our sin, set apart from the world, and made right in the eyes of God.
Let our life be a demonstration of the forgiveness, sanctification, and justification that we have received rather than divulging and arguing about our differences of opinion. When this successfully takes place, we will give a much better picture of what church looks like to outsiders.
-Kyle McClain
Reflection Questions
When has your desire to be right gotten you into trouble – or led you into disagreements that Paul would not approve of? What could you have done instead?
How does 1 Corinthians 6:11 change your outlook on disputes and the “need” to be right?
What do you learn about God in your reading of His Word today?
What is the best way to lead people? You may be a leader in some area of your life, at school, at work, at Church, among your friends, on a sports team, in your marriage, with your children etc… Most of us have had some experience being a leader and I’m going to guess that everyone has had the experience of having a leader, probably many, in your life.
There are a number of leadership styles. Authoritarian leaders impose expectations and define outcomes. It’s a very top down approach. It’s efficient and sometimes required, but doesn’t always create a great experience for those being led. If you’re the parent of a 2 year old, it’s pretty much the only leadership style. But what works with a 2 year old doesn’t work as well with a 16 year old, or with your spouse. It might work okay if you’re the manager of a fast food restaurant with a bunch of first time teen-age employees, but probably not so well if you are managing a medical practice with a group of physicians.
Participative leadership is more democratic and helps people feel more engaged, but it can be more time-consuming and lead to poor decisions if the employees participating lack necessary information or skills.
Delegative leaders step back and let the members of the team set their own agendas, which in the right environment can produce a lot of creativity, but can also lead to disunity.
Transactional leaders use a lot of carrot and stick, reward and punishment. They give clear expectations and offer clear feedback and immediate rewards and punishments. It works well getting a 7 year old to clean her room or finish her vegetables, but doesn’t inspire a lot of creativity in capable adults.
Transformational leaders inspire with a vision and then encourage and empower followers to achieve that vision. They act as a role model. This type of leadership is not coercive and leads to high morale. To learn more check out: https://www.imd.org/imd-reflections/reflection-page/leadership-styles/
Great leaders adjust their leadership style to the appropriate context and situation. The little book of Philemon is a wonderful case study on Christian leadership. The Apostle Paul writes to his disciple, Philemon, about their mutual acquaintance, Onesimus. Paul and Philemon were brothers in Jesus Christ. Paul was responsible for Philemon coming to faith in Christ. Now, Philemon was a leader in the Church and actually had a congregation that met in his home. When he wrote the letter to Philemon Paul was in jail, probably in Rome awaiting his trial. While in prison he met Onesimus. Onesimus was a runaway slave who had been the property of Philemon. It seems that Onesimus became a follower of Jesus Christ through Paul while they were in prison. Onesimus had become a supportive helper to Paul. Paul has a dilemma. He has two Christian brothers, Philemon, a slave owner and Onesimus, a runaway slave. Paul wants Philemon to release Onesimus from his enslavement and either welcome him back not as a slave but as a fellow Christian, or allow him to return to Paul and support him while he’s awaiting trial.
So what leadership style does Paul use? He could have played the authoritarian card and said “Philemon, I’m an Apostle, I met Jesus personally, I brought you to faith, and now I order you to release Onesimus.” Under Roman law Philemon had the right to demand Onesimus’ return. He was not legally obligated to release him. Legally, under Roman law Paul had no authority to force Philemon to let Onesimus go. Paul practiced transformational leadership. He inspired Philemon and gave him a vision of how being a follower of Jesus Christ can transform a person and their values and relationships. He gave him a vision of Onesimus as more than property or an asset, but as a person, a child of God, as a fellow heir of the kingdom of God bought from slavery to sin and death through the blood of Jesus Christ.
In using this leadership style Paul creates space for the spirit of God to transform Philemon’s heart, and have a much wider impact on the Church (for nearly 2000 years). Hopefully, other Christian slave owners saw Philemon’s example and also chose to release their slaves and welcome them as brothers and sisters in Christ.
Paul uses his personal relationship with Philemon to persuade and inspire him to recognize what Paul had done for him and what Paul was inviting him to do for Onesimus. This is a great example of persuasive transformational leadership. In times when God calls you to be a leader either at school, at work, in your family, at Church, in community, or wherever you might be called to lead, remember Paul’s great example of how to be a transformational leader.
The passage in Isaiah also gives a glimpse of leadership. In this instance. God is leading his disobedient and rebellious children, Israel. God’s leadership style here might be interpreted as transactional. God has punished Israel for their idolatrous and rebellious ways. God also promises better days ahead for those who faithfully listen to God and walk in the ways of obedience. Ultimately, God is a transformational leader calling people to look to the vision of a new heaven and a new earth to inspire them to faithfulness now. God doesn’t enjoy punishing the disobedient. It’s true that the “fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom”(Provers 9:10), but ultimately God wants us to respond to Him out of love- to love him with all our hearts (Deuteronomy 6:5). God always leads in exactly the way we need, because He is the perfect leader. Let us follow Him and learn from Him just as Paul (and hopefully Philemon) did.
-Pastor Jeff Fletcher
Today’s Bible reading plan passages can be read or listened to at BibleGateway.com here – Isaiah 65-66 and Philemon
The simplest truth about human relationships is that if we just loved one another a bit more, we would have fewer problems. I know, it is a bit cliche, but it doesn’t make it any less true. Our focus would be consistently outward. We would be ready to listen and meet the needs of others. God has made it pretty clear that the most hardened heart can soften by showing the quality that embodies who He is, yet it is a weapon we often leave unwelded. We often list our harshness or judgements under the guise of “tough love”, and this may or may not be true on a case-by-case basis. However, we must stick closely to the prescribed path in 1 Corinthians 13. It actually might be simpler to love “toughly”, but if you simply write people off, or find a way to punish them, or speak your mind without backing it up with the many other qualities listed here, you are a hollow box and a lot of noise. What’s tough love, really tough love, is to love someone who isn’t concerned in the slightest with being like God at the moment, or even ever. Love never fails. So you must love. You absolutely must. And your love must be like God’s love. Below I reworded one of the most famous passages of scriptures (v.4-7) that coincides with our reading and, most likely, one of the last handful of weddings you attended. My goal isn’t to add to the list, only to reword it to give it novelty in hopes to make it challenging or convicting instead of a rehearsal of familiar words. If it helps tune your mind to God’s love, wonderful. If it is a confusing mess, don’t read it. My concern is that you know loving is tough, especially those whose actions betray your love. That shouldn’t stop you. But THAT is tough love. And THAT is what God shows to each one of us on the daily.
For God to come in and change the “unlovable” (mind you, this can be and has been you), you must sit and listen. Listen to their problems and hear them say what they think, even if you don’t agree. You have to include them, share with them, and treat them with dignity, even if they are not concerned in the slightest about having any. To love, you have to let others be great and cheer them on. Sometimes this means the spotlight will come off of you, or you are treated as less important. If you are loving, you’re not concerned with that, because in love, others come first. Love holds back the insults, name-calling, and doesn’t attack a person made in the image of God. True love can be shown without expecting anything in return and can be left unreciprocated. On rare occasions, you can have angry love. You can be mad at someone because they are doing some serious sin damage to others or even him/herself. But you don’t start there. You don’t live there. You are truthful with someone, because lying is not loving. But you retreat quickly from the fight, and fill the space with mercy, more patience, and more kindness. That means love is forgiveness, and not holding grudges. We can love those who have wronged us. We can love those who have besmirched our reputation, injured our family through carelessness, or hate us because of our beliefs. We may know their wrong to us as a historical account, but not as an emotional one, and we thank God we have an opportunity to show love to them in such a way. In fact, loving like God means that you would actually stand-up for this person who has done you the greatest harm. Loving someone means that you are trusting without “but.” And that can be so hard. But trusting in God first and foremost allows you to do that. Believe in people. Never give up on people. Much easier said than done. It’s tough. So tough. But don’t let it stop you from trying. Your efforts are to help others see God, and they will know His love because it has been extended to and shown through you.
-Aaron Winner
Today’s Bible reading passages can be read or listened to at BibleGateway here –Esther 1-2 and 1 Corinthians 13
Seek Grow Love 