Tag: regret

Healthy Love

Song of Songs 5-6

Psalm 107

Jude

-Devotion by Jerry Wierwille – today’s devotion will be over Song of Songs 4 & 5 since the first day we covered just chapter 1 we are working one chapter behind this week.

Chapters 4 and 5 of the Song of Songs deepen love by showing us the beauty of intimacy and the pain that can emerge when love feels distant. Chapter 4 is filled with admiration, while chapter 5 moves into hesitation, separation, searching, and longing. These chapters remind us that love thrives when it is expressed, protected, and pursued.

Chapter 4 of Song of Songs begins with the man speaking words of admiration and affirmation to the woman he loves (4:1-6). While we may not appreciate the imagery he uses to describe her eyes, hair, smile, lips, and appearance, they are nonetheless very romantic and poetic. And so, some comparisons may sound quite unusual to us, and perhaps even borderline insulting, but his purpose is unmistakable: he is captivated by her beauty and is not hesitant to tell her so in a multi-dimensional way. It seems as though he is drawing attention to every aspect of her that he finds lovely.

When the man concludes with, “You are all beautiful, my darling. There is no spot in you.” (4:7). To have a “spot” is the biblical expression for a flaw. Far from claiming that she is perfect, indeed, flawless in every regard, the man doesn’t see her flaws and dwell upon them or point them out to her; he loves her just the way she is.

There is an important lesson here regarding romantic relationships. Affection should not be presumed as though the other person certainly must understand how we feel. Rather, love must be verbalized and communicated. People need to hear words that build them up and remind them that they are valued. Over time, in any relationship, it can become easy to notice flaws and irritations more quickly than virtues, but healthy love intentionally looks for what is beautiful in the person and then is not ashamed or hesitant to say it out loud.

As the chapter continues, the imagery becomes more intimate. The woman is described as “a garden locked up,” “a locked up spring,” and “a sealed fountain” (4:12). These metaphors communicate that romantic relationships, and particularly sexuality, are something private, exclusive, and precious that is not available to everyone. The woman’s love and sexuality are portrayed as something carefully guarded and reserved, not common or shared with others openly.

As the chapter moves to the end, the imagery shifts to the woman inviting her beloved into the garden: “Let my beloved come into his garden and eat its delicious fruits.” (4:16). The locked garden now becomes an available garden, but by invitation only. They are committed to each other and the desire is mutual. And so, the imagery portrays how love must be welcomed, never forced or pressured.

At the beginning of chapter 5, the man responds to the woman’s invitation with great delight. The imagery points to the abundance of the garden with myrrh, spices, honey, wine, and milk. The poetry is certainly sensual and intimate. And as the chorus celebrates with the chant, “Eat, friends! Drink, yes, drink abundantly, beloved” (5:1b), the mood suddenly changes.

The woman says, “I was asleep, but my heart was awake. (5:2). Her beloved comes to the door and asks to be let in, but she hesitates. She has already taken off her robe and washed her feet. She is already in bed. Getting up would be inconvenient. Her response might sound mundane to our modern ears, but what the woman is conveying is what makes the scene so relatable. The idea being expressed is that love is sometimes interrupted not by betrayal or distrust, but by inconvenience, fatigue, hesitation, or reluctance.

By the time she changes her mind and opens the door, she finds him gone: “I opened to my beloved, but my beloved left and had gone away” (5:6). Suddenly, what seemed inconvenient becomes alarming. Immediately, realizing what she had done, she searches for him, but this time the search is filled with challenges and pain. The watchmen of the city find her, beat her, and take away her cloak (5:7).

Then the representative “daughters of Jerusalem” ask her, “How is your beloved better than another beloved”? What they want to know is what makes her beloved so special. Her answer tells us exactly how she feels. Instead of focusing on her situation, or her longing due to his absence, or her frustration with what has happened, she begins describing everything she admires about him (5:10-16a). And the ending captures her heart perfectly, when she says, “This is my beloved and this is my friend” (5:16).

That last utterance is especially powerful. The woman’s lover is not only the object of her romantic desire; he is also her friend. It entails the truth about deep love; it includes attraction and desire, but is also accompanied by companionship, admiration, and the joy they bring.

We can draw a spiritual lesson from this about our relationship with God. At times, God calls us to draw near, but life has a way of putting things in our way. We become distracted, tired, complacent, or simply slow to react. When we become aware of how we have been responding, we may realize how deeply we miss the nearness we once enjoyed. Yet rather than remaining stuck in regret, we can do what the woman did when she realized she had not responded the way she should have. She got up and began to seek him. And even if there are challenges, and even if there are pain and sacrifice, we must remember what is beautiful about the God we love and why He is worth pursuing.

So, let’s protect love (especially intimacy) as a sacred blessing that we have been entrusted with by God, guarding it and only giving it to the one who should be invited to enjoy it. And in our relationship with God, let’s not allow spiritual complacency to make us slow to answer His invitation to draw near and enjoy the blessing of His presence in our lives.

Reflection Questions

  1. How well do you communicate love and admiration with your words? How can you work towards improving in this area?
  2. How is the world’s view of and guidelines for intimacy different from God’s? What problems are caused by the world’s? How is God’s way best?
  3. What do you often do with regret in human relationships? Do you try to ignore it, letting it grow, or do you actively seek resolution and restoration? What do you often do with spiritual complacency? Do you try to ignore it, letting it grow, or do you actively seek God and His presence in your life? What does seeking God look like and what are the blessings from it?

Prayer

Dear God – I praise and thank You for being a God of love. Thank you for showing us how to love – in Your word, in Your Son’s example, and in Your own love. Help me to verbalize my love to You and to my spouse and others You have graciously put into my life. Help me to see opportunity to love rather than inconvenience. May I be moved by regret to pursue, resolve and restore. May I grow deeper and deeper in love with You and with my beloved and friend.

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Betrayal, Regret, Beating, Condemning, Tearing and the Grace of God.

Matthew 27

January 27

Quite a long title, but Matthew 27 is quite a long chapter. So much happens; more than we will have the space to touch on here. 

Betrayal and Regret

Yesterday, we read about the two betrayers of Jesus. I want to finish that story thread. In the first portion of Matthew 27, we see Judas regret betraying Jesus. But Peter also regretted what he did. He went out from the courtyard and wept bitterly. However, it is not in the betrayal that these men were different, but in trusting the grace of God. 

Judas, in an act of cowardice and pain, hung himself. For those of us who have been harmed by a friend or family member taking his or her own life, we all know that the act is coming from a place of pain, hurt, and torment. In some more clear moments, we also see the selfishness of the act, the self-centered-ness of it. I know this is a painful topic, but please hear this with all love and grace : Judas is at his worst in this act. All Judas focuses on is his own pain, his own hurt, his own shame, his own betrayal, and therefore takes his own life. He acts in a way to stop what he did and the consequences acting upon him. Not every suicide is like this, but Judas’s suicide clearly was. His regret cost him everything. 

Peter, on the other hand, does not focus on himself. Peter sees the pain of his master Jesus, the hurt Jesus is enduring, the shame Jesus is feeling, the fact that Jesus is being betrayed. Peter regrets his choice, but he also trusts in the grace of God. That grace is not free. It costs Peter everything, even his own life. But it gives so much more. Grace is Jesus sitting across the fire from Peter after breakfast and saying “Peter, do you love me?” Grace restored Peter to a place of leadership among his brothers. Grace is what led Peter all the days of his life. Grace is what will raise Peter in the last days, and will say to him, “Well done, good and faithful servant.” Peter believed, in his worst moment, in the moment of his greatest weakness, that the grace of God could reach him even there. 

Beating and Condemning

It is the grace of God that pushed Jesus to be condemned. The crowds shout for his death, though they cannot even find a compelling case against him even among the liars. The crowds get a prisoner back free for appeasement and they want the insurrectionist Barabbas rather than Rabbi Jesus. Pilate washes his hands of the matter, but he is as guilty as those who claim the blood of Jesus on their heads. 

But we stand in no better place. The blood of Jesus covers our heads. We circle the King enrobed in scarlet, asking him to prophesy and speak who hit him. But he remains silent. But it is the grace of God that he remains silent. He knows that the blood on the heads of the Jews, the blood on the hands of the soldiers, the blood that covers each one of us as we stood condemning him, is the same blood that will wash away their sins. He could call twelve legions of angels to rescue him (Matt. 26:53) but instead he remains silent so that his death might save the world. It is the grace of God that held Jesus to the cross, not the nails, nor the Romans or Jews. Grace.

Tearing the Veil

At the death of Jesus one of the immediate effects was the tearing of the veil. This seems like a minor detail; of course in the midst of darkness, earthquakes, and storms there will be some torn tapestries. But this is not a small thing. This is the veil in the heart of the Temple in Jerusalem. In the temple was the holy place. Inside the holy place, behind the veil, was the holy of holies, where at one point the Ark of the Covenant sat. When the Jews would sacrifice, the priest would go into the Holy Place and sprinkle the blood of the bull before the veil. 

The death of Jesus brings about the end of sacrifices. There is no need to continue to sacrifice and have the blood sprinkled before the veil. The veil is torn. But even more glorious and gracious, the Holy of Holies is no longer kept away from people. The center point of the dwelling of God on the Earth was in the Holy of Holies. But because of Christ, God dwells in us. We, the collective church, have become the temple as we are built together in love. (1 Cor. 3:16, Eph. 2:21) It is by the grace of God that the Veil was torn and the dwelling place of God is now in the hearts of people, just as one day the dwelling of God will be upon the earth. 

In the midst of earthquakes, darkness and storm, some may think it was the terror, or madness, that drove the Roman soldier to say, “Surely this man was the Son of God.”

But I don’t. I think it was the grace of God.

-Jake Ballard

Questions for Reflection and Discussion

  1. To be very clear: if you are struggling with mental issues, especially thoughts of suicide, get help today. You are loved, you are cared for, and no one wants you to go that way. During the pandemic, anxiety, depression, and self harm levels have also risen. You are not alone! Your church family and pastor love you, as do your brothers and sisters here on SeekGrowLove. If you do not have a safe person to contact in your family or church, please reach out to the national suicide prevention hotline : 800-273-8255 or https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org OR you can call or text the crisis text line : https://www.crisistextline.org
  2. There was strain of the devotion today that implied we were guilty of the crucifixion of Jesus. While we weren’t there, and it may not be our ancestors (because guilt isn’t passed from parent to child that way), it is because of our sins that Christ died. Have you ever considered your actions worthy of this kind of ignoble death? Do you recognize that the love of Christ FOR YOU kept him on the cross? Do you see the grace of God FOR YOU that allow his son to be a sacrifice? 
  3. While those questions are difficult, do you also see the grace of God in tearing the veil? Do believe that God himself dwells IN YOU and especially in US as we gather as believers? What amazing grace we see from God in being and becoming his temple. Have you said along with the Roman Centurion by the grace of God, that Jesus truly is the Son of God?
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